Am I the poison?

UGH. I don't know how I married someone like this. Maybe it's me....

George and I got into it again (I know, shocker) tonight. He made dinner. We have a little agreement where whoever cooks dinner, the other person does dishes. No big deal right? Except I'm really good about cleaning as I go, so generally, he only has the dishes, utensils and a pot to clean. I walked into the kitchen and it's a disaster. So I joked with a smile on my face "Hey, you think you could learn to clean as you go?"

He took it as some huge insult and I tried to tell him that I was teasing. For the amount he dishes out, he sure can't take it! I told him that maybe I could help him find ways to clean as he goes next time he cooks so that when I he does cook it's not an insane chore for me. And honestly, I like washing dishes. I would say only about half actually go in the dishwasher - I do all the pots, pans, and cooking utensils by hand.

Of course, it escalated and he thinks that I try to make every problem we have his fault. I told him that I don't place blame on him, but on us because we don't know how to communicate with each other. He likes to list things I do "wrong" or "mean" but then cannot back it up with an example. It drives me nuts when he says negative things about me but then cannot substantiate them. I've even asked him to point out WHEN I do something he doesn't like so that I can realize what it is that is hurting his feelings, but he doesn't even do that. If I'm going to say something negative, at least I can back it up with when it was said (if I don't tell him right when he does it) or examples of how he did it.

It escalated further into him telling me that I knew what I was getting myself into, being a stay at home mom and being married to someone in the military. I find it hard to believe that I KNEW, seeing as I've never been able to just "stay at home" before Brady, I've never been a mom, and I've never been married to someone in the military or been/stayed friends with someone who was from a military family. I told him that this exact argument was one of the big reasons I asked him to wait to get married 10 months ago: I DIDN'T know what I was getting myself into and I didn't want to be blind sighted the way I have been about how the military works and how much I don't know about military life.

For example, I am applying for WIC to help offset the cost of formula for Brady. When the packet of information came, it said there was an office right on Schofield. I mentioned it to George and he goes "Uh, YEAH." I said "If you knew there was an office on Schofield, why didn't you just tell me?" He said "well, WIC and the Army go hand in hand. I don't know where it is, but it makes sense. I'm surprised you didn't know that."

Why the fuck is he surprised? Why am I "supposed" to know? Why do I have to be the bloodhound for information on a base he's been stationed at since 2005? Why do all the responsibilities regarding Brady or saving money fall on me? Why can't he open his yap and ask around?

I used to REALLY believe that the majority of the problems/fights in my first marriage were caused by Dale. Now I'm thinking I may be what's "wrong" in my marriages. Am I really that horrible to live with? I'm wondering if I'm SO miserable that I pick fights to justify my shitty mood. Like I can't deal with it being "me," so I make it "us." Maybe I'm trying to make excuses for the both of us by taking the blame myself. But why does blame even have to be placed on one of us? George wanted me to divide it by percentage tonight. He said "What, is it all my fault?" And I said no, it was our fault because we don't know how to communicate. So then he asked if it was 50/50. I told him I didn't think it was fair to place blame on anyone, even if it was split down the middle. He told me he feels like I think it's 60/40 his fault and I asked him why he automatically assumed I would think it was like that. He said he didn't think I would take the majority of the blame on myself.

I just feel so out of control here. I have everything micromanaged because honestly, running/cleaning the house, paying the bills, and taking care of Brady are the only things I CAN control. I can't control when George deploys or has to go do classes or any of that, so I like things to be done a certain way here. I like the bed to be made everyday, the laundry to be done on certain days, the dishes done a certain way, the bathrooms cleaned every week, etc.

I'm so disappointed that he and I can't even have a conversation anymore without arguing. More often than not, we argue after Brady goes to bed and I end up going upstairs to be alone because I can't stand sitting in the same room as someone I can't be civil with. He's had so much time off and so many long 3 or 4 day weekends. Every time I hear he has extra time off, I cringe inside. Instead of being excited about the thought of the extra time, I dread the coming days, knowing we'll be together more and that a fight is inevitable.

He's a wonderful father. He's so good with Brady - like not being together for the first 7 months was no problem. I prayed every night for that while he was gone. I love him more for the way he is with Brady, the way they play, the way Brady lights up when George gets home and then follows him everywhere he goes. Literally, if George goes upstairs to change clothes, Brady will crawl to the bottom of the steps and look/wait for George to come back downstairs. I could watch them together all day and be happy seeing their relationship bloom.

So, I guess I just want to know if it's me. I want to know if I am the poison in my relationships with other people. I'm calling a counselor on Monday. We are allowed 6 sessions through the military without being charged. I think this is overdue.