Is it October yet?

Another helicopter crash today. The worst since January 2005. And it includes guys from Task Force Lightning - George's group. And George has gone out on a helicopter with the guys to fix vehicles that were stranded. I completely understand WHY they block communications from the base (phones, internet, etc) so that the military can notify the families the proper way and so the families don't hear bad news through an e-mail or an instant message. But it's so hard not knowing if my husband is safe. I don't know if George remembered to update his "next-of-kin" address so they know who to notify and where to find me. It's so frustrating and sometimes scary just waiting for him to get online sometimes.

I'm just going to sit here and wait....nothing else I can really do, right? I love the people who think I sit around all day and do nothing....Not only am I busy with Brady or packing or running errands, I get to wonder every day if my husband is safe and if he's going to come home.

I hate being scared every time there an article that pops up on msn.com or when I see a news report on tv. Most of the day, we keep the tv on the Sprout channel - prechool programming 24 hours a day, for Brady - but he's taking a nap.

My thoughts and prayers go out to the families who are being notified right now. I'll just continue praying I'm not one of those families. Doing so makes me feel selfish and horrible - like I'm hoping for someone else to have to deal with the pain and sorrow so that I don't have to. I think it's the one thing that makes military wives selfish. For the majority of our marriages, the service comes first. We are left at home to manage the bills, the potential problems that come up and the children while our spouses go off to war. We deal with the deployments, knowing it's part of the job, part of what we married in to. We essentially share our spouses with the military. A pretty large gift in any marriage, I would say!! But we are selfish when it comes to our spouses health and safety.

I hope you're safe, George. Maybe we have some kind of code or system for when the internet goes down - maybe you can buy something small (like gum) to just show me that you're able to swipe your card and that it wasn't you? I'd appreciate something like that....

On a happier note, check out my busy little man, sitting and playing all by himself!